breaking some eggs : Taking advantage of mutual inebriation to initiate an awkward but ultimately productive conversation. Sort of in poor taste, but omelets have to be made somehow, right? An indirect attempt to break some eggs via one-way asynchronous communications – drunken text messages, emails, voicemails – is likely to be both less effective and considerably more tacky.

the cold moment : The sudden, crushing, usually short-lived feeling of loneliness that settles in when one returns from visiting home or some other point of comfort.

collateral efficiency : Explanation for the surprising amount of unrelated work that one is able to get done while under a work- or school-related deadline. “I refolded my sweaters, read a huge book of queer theory, and cooked a whole turkey! But that fucking term paper…”

contingency probe : A phone call inquiring about a friend’s plans for the evening, made only to establish a safety net in the event that one’s real plans fall through. A common closing phase is “Maybe we’ll meet up!” Less than 5% of contingency probes result in actual contact.

critical pass : During an increasingly painful first meeting between potential roommates, the length of time between the moment that one party realizes the arrangement is not going to work and the actual end of the encounter; alternately known as the “no-go cohab delay.”

dubious disclaimer : A qualifier whose truthfulness is quickly cast into doubt by the sentence that follows. “I'm not racist or anything, but…”

dull dominance : A situation that develops between two people, wherein one individual realizes that he or she can do or say anything without challenge from the other. This is ostensibly the goal state of the dominant person, but is frequently found to be very unsatisfying.

epiphany verde : The realization that, in some situations, the grass really is greener than it had been on the other side. This is ostensibly a happy epiphany, but it can lead to overconfidence in future decision-making.

flat affect insurance : Describes an activity undertaken not so much to make one happy as to prevent one from becoming unhappy. “I’m so busy with the new job that I hardly notice my ever-decaying emotional core!”

former child star : An article of clothing that got a lot of attention when it was the new kid on the block but lost its luster after being publicly involved in compromising situations. “My fuchsia 1MX shirt was in way too many pictures where Tracy was making out with a girl… I can’t even look at it anymore.”

grip of last resort : The extraordinary force with which one holds onto the last pen in the box, giving it a significantly longer tour of duty than any of its departed brethren.

immersion penalty : The amount of time that a student arriving late to class must wait before raising their hand to speak for any reason. (Five minutes is the minimum, ten is a safer choice.)

mobile answering machine : An electronic device that, while technically able to receive incoming calls, is used by its owner exclusively to retrieve voicemail and respond at inopportune moments.

recovery sparkle : The unique euphoria that accompanies the period after waking from a night of substance abuse and often uncomfortable sleep. While under the spell of the recovery sparkle, air is sweeter, food tastes better, and even the most ordinary music sounds fantastic. This may be unique to alcoholics.

the serious sphere : Container that holds all the topics one is unable to joke about because they hit too close to home. Others find it irritating if too large and unsettling if too small.

social elasticity : The measure of how far one is able to stretch a friend when exposing him or her to new people, before reaching the breaking point of total retreat to the familiar.